12 Weeks

At 12 weeks, we had a bit of a  . . . surprise, which turned out to be great!  I won't call it a scare, because I was honestly at perfect peace the whole time.  I had a bit of bleeding one night.  After consulting my many trusted books, I was convinced it was nothing because I had no other symptoms, but we agreed I would call the nurse the next morning regardless.  That morning was Thursday, and Jason's car was in the shop.  We were planning to leave at noon for Birmingham anyway, so he took me to work and then headed back home to mow the yard before we left.  I was completely sure the nurse would say it was nothing to worry about as long as it had stopped.  Instead, the response I got was that Dr. Phillips likes to bring you in for an ultrasound in any case of bleeding.  Um, ok!!  So she made me an appointment for that morning.  Jason wound up barely having time to take a shower before heading back downtown to pick me up.  By the time I had gotten to work, called the nurse, waited for the return call, gone to my morning meeting, explained to everyone what was going on, wrapped up what I could, and headed out the door to the doctor, I didn't even have a chance to contact my family to tell them what was going on.  I sent a quick text from the waiting room.  This turned out to be a good thing, as my mom and sister were rather worried.  Fortunately, they didn't have long to wait - I think my appointment was at 10 and we were back in the car by 10:20. 

Our first ultrasound was at 7 weeks, and this is what we saw:

Awww . . . but, admittedly, a bit of a blob. 

So imagine our joy, 5 short weeks later, to see this:

A baby! Head, body, arms, legs, hands!!  Of course, we had been reading the weekly emails about the development of the limbs, etc, but there is just nothing like seeing it for yourself.  What a miracle!!  The baby is about 2.5 inches long at this point, about the size of the picture.  And yet so formed.  How great is our God?!

All this happened in the middle of the "be here now" revelation, and what a great example of that principle it was.  The night before, getting the lawn mowed before we left town seemed like such a big deal, but this sure put it in perspective!  We were even done at the doctor in enough time to run across the street to the hospital for a visit with the Bagwells and sweet baby Campbell, whom we had thought we would not get to see for another week or so. 

What a nice surprise this turned out to be!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

Be Here Now . . .

I've been meaning to post this for several weeks, because it made such an impact on me.  After a crazy-busy August, Jason and I were sooo excited to have Labor Day weekend at home.  He had not had a day off in the month of August, and we looked forward to going on a date, watching football, and not doing much else.

The weekend turned out even better than we hoped - wonderful, enjoyable, relaxing.  We even got to spend a few hours with family celebrating Paul J's new job at the University of South Alabama.  It was everything we hoped for, and Monday night we were so relaxed and peaceful.

And then something happened.  Tuesday, we went back to work.  And life hit again.  He was preparing to leave for Tres Dias on Thursday, I was preparing to spend the weekend in Birmingham, work had just piled up while we were out, and all the stuff we had escaped over the weekend came right back.  Several times, I caught myself thinking, "I shouldn't have relaxed all weekend.  I should have been working on this or that.  This is what I get."  I shared with Jason that I just felt like the most important things in life weren't getting my attention like they should.  He agreed.  It was a very stressful week and struggle to find peace.

As He has done so many times, God provided me with some direction from one of my college girls.  We weren't even talking about my stress when she shared this:  "Quite possibly the best thing I ever got out of counseling was the idea of being here now - I was almost never in the now - I was always regretting something from the past or planning something for the future.  And the worst part was {my daughter} was always in the now, as all children pretty much are.  So it was like I was never really connecting with her because she could tell when I was there physically and not mentally.  I would encourage you to start eliminating everything that is not essential and top priority until you start to feel like you can live in the moment.  Try to be here now as much as you can."

Wow.  That made such an impression on me.  And the other girls, I know, so I thought some of you readers might need to hear it too.  When I really started praying on this, God was faithful to help me eliminate some things right away, even though I didn't necessarily want to.  I am definitely still seeking some further clarification and answers on some of the busy-ness that seems to consume my time.  The Bible tells us that the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6) - that is the mind I want!

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear.  Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?  Look at the birds.  They don't plant or harvest, or store food in barns, for your Heavenly Father feeds them.  And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?  Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow.  They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care of you.  Why do you have so little faith?
So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat?  What will we drink?  What will we wear?'  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
Matthew 6:25-34

11 Weeks

I'm not promising to post a picture every week. In fact, I'm rather horrified by these first two. But I feel like 11 weeks deserves a post for a couple of reasons:

1. I have a doctor update to go along with it.

2. This is the week I felt like I really started showing.

Week 10, I was breezing along, definitely knowing I had gained a couple of pounds, but still wearing SOME of my "skinny pants" for the last time . . . well, maybe ever. Then I wore dresses for a couple of days. Then, on Friday, I pulled out a pair of pants to wear to work. They were too tight. Uh-oh. Another pair. Same problem. Another pair - they were workable. But by the end of the day, I definitely knew it was the last time I'd be wearing them. All of the sudden, my closet seemed full of clothes that did not fit. I did get confirmation from some friends that no matter how grateful and excited you are to be pregnant, not fitting into your clothes is an emotional experience. I ventured into the maternity store on Saturday . . . oh my. So overwhelming. The belly that promises to add 3 months would seem to be perfect - if I ONLY gain weight in my belly! Which hardly seems like something I can count on (upon which I can count, if I'm being grammatically correct, but I feel like the blog should have a more conversational tone, don't you?). I did come home Saturday afternoon and reorganize my closet; separating the stuff I already can't wear so it's at least not at eye level anymore. And I am the proud owner of a Bella Band (well, the Target brand anyway) which seems will be very helpful. This last week, I've just worn skirts, since those fit so much more easily. When we finally took the 11 week picture, I expected a huge difference from the week before. I can't believe you can barely tell!

My doctor appointment was Tuesday. I was not entirely sure what to expect, but I was prepared with a list of questions. Jason had to be at work, but we didn't think he would miss too much. I finally now understand the difference between an ultrasound, a doppler, and a stethoscope. When we had our ultrasound, I was surprised at how fast it was - as soon as she turned the machine on, we could immediately see the baby and see the heartbeat. I was expecting a waiting, holding our breath, are-we-going-to-be-able-to-hear-it experience. Now I realize that comes from the doppler, which is similar to a sound-only ultrasound. The nurse still rubbed the wand over my belly, but with no picture, she's just searching for the heartbeat. And it took a few minutes to find it. And a few more minutes for me to be able to recognize what she was hearing. But at 11 weeks, both she and Dr. Phillips said it's great to be able to hear it at all, so I was very thankful. It was pretty fast - around 155 - 160, I think? I didn't think of that as being a detail I should write down, but so many people have asked me, I guess I should have! Otherwise, the appointment was uneventful. Dr. Phillip's says everything looks great. I asked my list of questions, and was on my way. Next appointment, Oct. 4!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." 1 Peter 3:3-5

10 Weeks

August 23, 2010

At 10 weeks, we won’t discuss if I’ve gained weight (I have) if my clothes are feeling tight (they are) or any such thing. I suppose you can draw your own conclusion.

I am so thankful to have felt, for the most part, really good. I can’t stand the sight of a turkey sandwich, or (ironically) even the thought of any of the food we prepared for the wedding (though it didn’t bother me a bit at the time). So while I am challenged to find easy things to bring for lunch and snacks, I am so thankful this is all I’m dealing with! The fatigue is, well, exhausting, but that’s par for the course. God has been so faithful to answer our prayers for me to feel well enough to do what I need to do – starting with traveling to Chicago by myself the week after we found out I was pregnant, including the wedding preparations, even leading up to me getting to spend last weekend with my college girls for a collaborative “Dirty Thirty”. The daily tasks of housecleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking are falling by the wayside a bit in favor of rest, but people tell me I should get used to that after the baby is born anyway! I am trying not to let the little things stress me out (ha – some days are better than others) and focus on the big picture. Definitely accepting prayers for that goal.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:7-10

Pregnancy Buddy!

August 8, 2010

My friend and close co-worker, Alison, is also expecting her first – 2.5 weeks ahead of me! She had not announced her news publicly yet either, so we had fun figuring each other out and then telling people together.

The very best was when we told our good friend Ryan. I called him into my office, very seriously, one afternoon. Alison came in too and shut the door. He began to look concerned. “Ryan,” I said, “someone in this office is not pregnant.” He thought for a moment, then the light bulb came on – well, partially. He looked at Alison, then at me. “One of you is having a baby?!?” Well, sort of. Another pause. Then “Wait! BOTH OF YOU ARE PREGNANT?!? Cause’ I’m sure not!” Still makes me laugh out loud to think about it!

Bittersweetly, (is that a word? Spell check thinks not), Alison has accepted a new job at the Marriott Prattville and will be leaving us next week. I’m so excited for her, and I manage that property as well so we will still work together, but I will miss having her within speaking range for spur-of-the-moment pregnancy talks! We can call and email, and I’ll see her every other week, but it will definitely not be the same. On the other hand, it does mean that 2/3 of our department will not be on maternity leave at the same time, which has its benefits for everyone else.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work : 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” Ecclesiastes 7:9-10

Telling the Family

July 31, 2010

We found out I was pregnant on July 7. Our niece was getting married on July 31, and my entire family would be together for the last time until Christmas, so we really wanted to tell them then. We were hoping to have been to the doctor before then, but of course it really doesn’t work that way, and our appointment was scheduled for August 3. (Advice for those of you who haven’t traveled this road yet – your doctor probably won’t see you until you’re 8 weeks. Considering you find out at about 4 weeks, this will feel like an eternity. Get your hands on a copy of What to Expect and wait it out. A sweet friend who’s an OB told me at 5 weeks – you wouldn’t want to go to the doctor now anyway, they wouldn’t be able to see or hear anything and it would freak you out. Hang on to that.)

Now Ramseys are good secret-keepers, and we probably could have called them the next day. However, this is not a virtue of the Heffington clan, and we really didn’t want to make it hard on them. We decided we’d tell Jason’s family first, tell mine Saturday night after the wedding, go to the doctor on Tuesday, and announce it to the world Wednesday. That way, they would only be keeping it a secret for a few days.

Holly Beth and Blake’s wedding was no mere 1-day affair. “We” (the family) “do” (food and décor) weddings ourselves. The extravaganza began Thursday morning with a massive grocery trip, and continued through Saturday evening. Really, the wedding deserves its own post, but I’m still getting up to speed with the whole blog thing. I’ll just say it was beautiful, perfect, and such an incredibly blessed time with family. I was nervous about spending 3 full days with them and keeping the pregnancy a secret, but fortunately we were all so busy that no one was paying much attention to me anyway.

Saturday morning, while we drove from the hotel to the church, we called Jason’s parents. I thought they would get suspicious when we called the house, Jason told his dad to put his mom on speakerphone, and when Tom replied that the phone didn’t have a speaker, Jason told him to call us back from his cell phone. So we had both of them on, and they seemed totally surprised, and of course, thrilled. Jason’s brother Sean was actually in town for something and staying at the house, so they went and woke him up. We were trying to get in touch with Mami and Aunt Ann, so we called Stephen and Sarah, who we thought were at their house. Well, they were not at the house yet, and I’m pretty sure we woke them up. (It was 8:30 on Saturday morning, after all). We finally reached Mami, and as soon as Jason said “we wanted to let you know . . .” her “YES?” showed that she totally knew what was coming. Everyone was so sweet and happy for us.

At the reception, we got a second with Holly and whispered the news to her. The wedding videographer was right there, and though we were turned away where he couldn’t tell what we were saying, he did get her reaction. Which was, of course, so sweet and excited.
After Holly and Blake left, the family was heading back into the reception room to get one more picture of us with our husbands. A couple of the kids asked if they could go change clothes yet, and I fairly yelled at them “No! We might need you for pictures!”. They weren’t too happy about that.

Jason called our niece Lily Beth over, and gave her a folded piece of paper. He told her to give it to my dad, but that it was a secret who it came from. The outside said “Papa, call the family together and tell them you have an announcement to make. Then read what’s inside.” He actually started to open it while walking down the hall, with my mom right next to him, and I kind of had to jump all over him for not following directions. Mom even made me look her in the eye and tell her I didn’t know what it was about. I did it without flinching.

We finally finished the picture, and Daddy got everyone’s attention. The paper said “In March 2011, the ‘Darling Dozen’ becomes a Baker’s Dozen!” The 12 grandchildren have appeared on many of my parents’ Christmas cards as the ‘Darling Dozen’. He started reading, and didn’t get beyond March 2011, when everyone started screaming. In the midst of the madness, I do remember my mother yelling “WHO IS IT?” even though I was really the only logical candidate. I did not think it was possible, but they were even more excited than I expected. And the wedding photographer was there for the whole thing, so I can’t wait to see those pictures come back! I still can’t believe we pulled it off, kept it a secret the whole time, and announced it with everyone together! We could not be more blessed than to share this news with our loving families!

**photos to come**

“18 Praise be to the LORD God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds. 19 Praise be to his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with his glory. Amen and Amen.” Psalm 72:18-20

How We Found Out

July 7, 2010

*Trying very hard not to make this post TMI!*
Officially, yes, we had been trying for a couple of months. I was due to start July 4 or 5. The holiday weekend was super-busy with family in town, but when it was all said and done, I hadn’t started. I really did not think I was pregnant, for a few reasons:
1. I wanted to be. But we were praying daily for God’s will and timing for our family. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed.
2. The month of June was a little crazy schedule-wise, so I knew that we hadn’t exactly played the numbers game to the maximum.
3. I just thought I would KNOW. I feel like I’m generally pretty in tune with my body, and I thought that if I knew it was a possibility, and had been thinking and praying on it so much, I would KNOW that there was a new life inside of me. Does everyone think that?

The ONLY reason I thought I might possibly be is because I had had a day of random cramping mid-month, which has never happened before. But it didn’t really add up calendar-wise to what we thought . . . so that could have been anything.

Tuesday on the way home from work, I stopped to buy a pregnancy test. I was a bit paranoid at this point about making sure no one I knew suspected that it was even a possibility. I carefully chose the pharmacy I stopped at, opting for the older CVS over the brand-new place that’s closer. Montgomery is small enough – and especially our area of town – that we see people we know almost everywhere. For instance, I never go to Publix that I don’t see Jill Sanderson or Ashley Wilson, two very dear friends from our Lifegroup. I purposely avoided the new Rite Aid in the Publix parking lot, thinking I was very likely to see someone there. So I walk into CVS, very alert, and who do I see but Jill. She is standing at the self-service photo center, so I duck up the aisle before she can see me. Yes, really. Make it to the family planning aisle and am immediately overwhelmed with the options. WHY are there so many? I make a quick decision – basic plus or minus, store brand (it was still $15 for crying out loud!). Pay at the pharmacy, even though it’s packed, and beat it out the door before Jill finishes.

On the way home, I thought “there are 3 tests in here. I probably won’t need 3. Wonder how long these keep?”. Checked the box – expired May 2010. It was the first week of July. At this point, I was already home, so I wasn’t going to do anything about it that night. Jason wasn’t home yet, and we had a deal that I wouldn’t take a test without him. He knew I had bought it, but I decided to give it another day. I knew I’d be sad/frustrated to get a negative (because it wouldn’t explain why I was late), so I figured I’d probably start Wednesday anyway.

Wednesday – nothing. Wednesday night I finally decided just to take one of the ones I had – figuring they were only a few weeks expired and would probably be fine. I took it, sat it on the counter in the bathroom, and went into the bedroom to wait the obligatory 2 minutes. Jason picked it up, then picked up the instructions. “Well,” I said, “what does it say?” He responded “I’m not exactly sure . . . it says that no matter how faint the line is . . .” . Sure enough, there was the faintest line possible in the plus window. But tell me – would YOU trust this result from an expired test?!? No way.

So we did what any normal people would do- threw on shoes and headed to the drugstore. Of course, by then it was about 10:15 and everything was closed, so we had to find the 24-hour pharmacy. This time, I went straight for the Clear Blue Digital! My original intent was to take the new test the next morning, so it would be super-accurate, but naturally, by the time we made it back home I had given up on waiting. New test, 3 minutes later, viola!

The first thing Jason said was “So, what do we do now?” To which I replied, “We do NOT freak out about the fact that I ate brie today!”. Which then led to an explanation of why that would even be a concern. While we were thrilled, I remember saying at one point that I felt like we were too subdued. I suppose we’re more the staring-at-each-other-in-stunned-silence type than the jump-up-and-down-screaming-type anyway.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

-Ephesians 3:20-21